Past Boyfriends and Future Prospects

Daniel Sloss has got me thinking about relationships. My first three romantic relationships I don't think can be classified as such. My first "boyfriend" texted me to ask me out and then after two weeks in which we did not talk he broke up with via Facebook. My second romantic relationship I don't think I can even call him a boyfriend even in air quotes. We met at a library and met there several times after to kiss and stuff but never really could say that we were going out. My third boyfriend I think I can have the most the most confidence of the three to call a boyfriend. We met in a tree, and we dated for about three months in which we saw each other frequently and I met and had dinner with his family. But the relationship for me was more about the perks of being with him, a lot of video games a place to hang out sometimes and free food. After three months I realized what I was doing and felt bad about it but I think I more realized I didn't like him as a person I liked the things he could do for me. Now my fourth boyfriend, he was a boyfriend by all definitions. He is the one I talked about yesterday that I started dating when I was 16. We dated for two years almost to the day. In that we hung out often, talked met each others families, and I fell like I became a part of his. I started dating him out of loneliness (which is messed up that I a 16 felt that lonely that I had to have someone to complete me. I don't know if that is a statement more about myself or more about how society treats relationships) and fear of rejection. I knew he wouldn't reject me so I started dating him and I think I tricked myself into thinking I loved him because I was scared of the thought of being alone again. But the Rok came along, in conjunction with getting out of high school. I always knew in my head that the world was bigger than high school but it is so different than to know a fact and experience a fact. It really hit me that the world had more people in it and more things to do and more responsibility than high school. Rok helped me realize that the most, and he helped me really figure out that mine and my exs relationship was not going to get better if I didn't do something about it, and the best and happiest route I could think of was leaving my ex. Since than Rok and I have had many many downs and so many wonderful ups, and as of today we are both different people and we both believe it is for the better (I asked Rok to make sure.) We both think we can still make each other better and make ourselves better on our own. I am a little worried that one day there won't be anything left for us to do for each other and we will be a couple that is just waiting for the other one to die. But we both believe that we can always grow as people and if we happen to grow apart, or even if only one of us grows apart we have both made it clear we only want to be with people who want to be with us. 

Today I weighed: 210.4 lbs

Yesterday I ate:
> Cooked potato with a splash of egg
> About two cups of chili
> A packet of oatmeal
> A blackberry and peanut butter sandwiches
> A honey and peanut butter sandwiches

Yesterday I drank: 84 oz of water

I hope Rok and I don't grow apart but if we do I really hope we don't just sit there and secretly wish the others death. I hope we are reasonable human beings that can deal with the situation in an adult way.

Stay cool.